Merry Christmas :)

Throughout the years, Christmas has always been my cousin, sister, Papa, and I, waking up super early to cook some food!! It has always been Papa cooking, and Grandma complaining that the food is taking too long. Christmas has always meant Uncle showing up late to the table because he had to work. Christmas has always been Shelly in the shower, and everyone else in the kitchen. Christmas has always meant food, presents, a day of sweet silence, and an extra can of olives!! In my family, Christmas has always been about family, and presents, and having the perfect holiday (even though it was never that). This year, there is no tree in the living room, no Baby Jesus on the table. There’s no Christmas lights, or even trips to Mt. Charleston. This year, we have each other. Christmas came so, incredibly fast this year, and I must admit, my family was not all that prepared. We weren’t prepared to attend an amazing church service, or buy and pass out presents. We weren’t prepared to put up a tree (the same tree we’ve used as long as I can remember), and watch as the lights change from green, to red, to purple, and so on. Even as I write this, I must admit to myself that I am not ready for Christmas. God has placed so many new, different, and life changing things in the lives of my family, and no matter how frustrating, heart-breaking, and time consuming these things have been, I am so thankful. Thankful to know that God loves me, and my family so much that He has, and continues, to work wonders in our lives!! Thankful to know that I serve a God who gives me every day activities, and allows me to make a difference with them. God has done so much in my life and the lives of my loved ones, and whether my family knows it or not, I’m somehow convinced that that is what my family has been so focused on. I strongly believe that God has had my family busy with so many things, and that is why it seems as though none of us are prepared for Christmas. However, I am happy to say that this weekend my family is coming together (or will do our best to come together) to celebrate the life of Jesus. Without a tree, and without boxes, and bags of presents to pass around, I am determined to celebrate this holiday; to celebrate such a blessing with the ones I love the most. God is great, and continues to show me, in so many ways, that in all the craziness of life, I can find peace in Him. I can always count on knowing that God is right by my side in all that I do. As I celebrate Christmas this year, I am reminded of His love and am so thankful to be His daughter!!

Merry Christmas,

Keisha :)

Far More Than Fine

It is our go-to adjective. When we are asked "How are you?" we answer "I am fine". Most of the time we are far from it; far from fine, dipping ourselves over the crevice of bad and lost. However, we are too afraid to admit that.

“I believed in you, so I said, ‘I am deeply troubled, Lord.’ ” Ps 116:10

So often we tell the lie of fine to the people in our life, but how often do we say it to God? How does that above verse play out in our own messy and sticky lives?

“I believed in you, so I said, ‘I’ am fine, Lord.’ “ 

We are such funny and confusing beings. We believe the Lord who whispered the world into motion can not bare to handle our emotions. That somehow our whispers of, im deeply troubled Lord, will somehow trouble Him.

Our being real starts with being real with our Creator. Our onslaught against the word fine, against the lies it tells starts with not lying to the One who always knows.

Last night I curl under my covers and I let my heart beat. I whisper into the night, please give more strength, courage, love, time. Please allow me to be honest with the people who know me, let the lifeblood cover me and make me white as snow.

I tell Him it all; all of my emotions, the emotions that don't fall anywhere near fine.

I don't pretend to smile or say it's okay because I believe in Him, the maker of heaven and earth.

Not being fine is a step of faith. What father would turn away from their hurt child? Some, but  not our Father. Not the Lord.

I can hear the rain outside as I allow my body to drift to sleep. I'm not afraid because grace has covered me and I know that He knows everything beyond the word fine.

The sweetest of all miracles is not that I believe in Him.

It's that He believes in me.

All of me.

I like you; I am like you

I like you already, and I dont even know you yet.

I like you, you wondrous, amazing you.

I like the you who is browsing around for deep peace, astounding truth and true beauty.

I like you, the one who is hunting for a corner of joy in this messy world. Looking for a little peace. waiting for the grace to rain down.

I like you because I am one of you.

I've been down messy and dark roads that lead to unknown places. roads that I thought would lead to joy and just ended in pain.

I have skeletons in my closet and secrets that I dont dare share with the outside world for fear of the real me being shared. secrets I keep deep so I can present myself as being at peace.

I'm a mess to be honest. And I'm okay with that, because grace is ever so amazing. I know what it's like searching for truth, I know what it's like to make mistakes you can never recover from.

I write unspoken words every day. I share with myself, over and over about my families struggles, the alcoholism that plagues people in my life, the sexual sins that have seeped into places I said they would never go. I write these words; these words I have written have always set me free, they have renewed me.

My words matter, and the only words that speak truth are His. The words of our holy Creator. The words I strive to live for.

Each day I etch words onto blank pages. Words that share my wondrous messy, not so holy, and grace filled life.

It is pure joy and grace that I am walking this life with you all.

I like each one of you because in some way we are all the same.

A Letter to God

Thank You so much for the grace, joy and thanksgiving all of which brings our salvation.

Thank You for Your outpouring of grace in these last few days; this grace takes my breath away.

Tonight, I'd like someone to share my secrets with, someone who would understand. Someone who will listen to my words.

You have sent me so many signs these last few days, and I feel overjoyed to be your daughter. I was ever so sad and You brought me so much light in my life, and I am so grateful.

How lovely to be in Your kingdom Father.